6 Signs Your Expectations Are Way Too High in Relationships

Sometimes dating is like stepping into a world of delusion. There are so many people out there with outsized expectations of what their "soul mate" should be. Of course, I'm not saying you should settle for just anything. I've seen too much of that too. But people are people -- they're not superheroes, cartoons, or characters from movies or fiction. Still, that doesn't stop some people for looking for perfection -- which, frankly, they will never find. Brandi Glanville seems to be hitting up against this nonsense, as she recently tweeted:





Here are six signs your expectations are too high.

1. You keep getting rejected. Unless you have a seriously antisocial personality or your pits reek, chances are that you should at least occasionally get pursued by a member of the opposite sex or have people willing to go on at least a first date with you. If it seems like you're getting turned down a lot, you're probably shooting outside your league. In plain English, if you're a 6, you're not going to get a 10. Stop trying. The problem is that most 6s think they're 10s.

2. Your list of dealbreakers is all superficial. Most people have dealbreakers and a list of qualities they want a partner to have. But if yours is more about "has to be over six feet tall," "has to have good abs," "has to have blue eyes," than "has to be a good person," "has to have never cheated," "has to care about people other than himself," you're focusing on the wrong things.

3. Short-term relationship history. If you're in your 30s or 40s and have never had a relationship last more than a couple of years, your expectations are definitely too high.

4. You expect a relationship to go the way it does in your mind. Imagine if someone you were dating had a bunch of preconceived ideas about what you should say, think, do, how you should dress, how you should walk, how you should handle your emotions, how much money you should make, how you should look when you wake up in the morning, etc. Chances are, you wouldn't live up to any of it. So don't do that to another person. Men are not mind-readers and it's up to you to say what you want and expect.

5. You have romantic ideals of a "soul mate." No one can make you happy, fulfill your life, or "complete" you. I don't care what Jerry Maguire says. A person can only contribute to your happiness so much. It's really not anyone else's responsibility to give you a reason to wake up in the morning. Would you want that responsibility for someone else?

6. You want someone who is the opposite sex version of you. It's okay to want compatibility -- someone who isn't allergic to cats if you have them; someone who likes the outdoors if that's your passion. But when you begin to expect someone to like the same food, music, movies, books you do, as well as have the same opinions, politics, ideas, thoughts, etc. Well, you apparently just want to date yourself. And that's what you'll end up doing.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kiri Blakeley
is a journalist, author, blogger, and all-around opinionista. Her book, Can't Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed-Up Love, is available now.
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